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Joe: Peter, thanks a lot for having us out on your boat.

Peter: No problem.

Lois: Peter, are you sure Santos and Pasqual don't mind coming in on a Saturday to serve us drinks?

Peter: Are you kidding Lois, they're Portuguese. Work is their cocaine. Besides, look at them in their tuxedos. They look like little people!

Santos: (in pseudo Portuguese) Did you pee in the punch?

Pasqual: (in pseudo Portuguese) Yes, but unfortunately I had already peed, so I only had a little pee.

Brian: Hey, Meg, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? You havin' a good time? Yeah. No, I'm having a good time. Uuuuuuuuuh, hey, what's goin on? Uh, listen, you're, uh you're seventeen now, right? Um, I was -- just throwing it out there -- just thinking if you ever want to, you know, screw around or something. Uh, hey, Joe! So, you know, just something to mull around the old noggin.

Stewie: Drives a golf ball into the bay. Damn. What is it about golf that always brings out the worst in me?

Cut Scene. Stewie approaches Annika Sorenstam as she's swinging.

Stewie: So, Annika Sorenstam. You're, uh, quite the female golfer, aren't you? Yes, quite the female golfer. Stewie sprints towards Sorenstam and clings to her crotch. Ha! I knew it! Look! Everybody look! She's a fraauud!

End Cut Scene.

Quagmire: All right, I caught a fish! Oh, sorry about that, Loretta. Hey, uh, can I have my fish back?

Loretta: Oh, you gon' have to reach into the cookie jar.

Quagmire: We-uh... well, I... I can't just, uh... You're my best friend's wife. Reach into... All right.

Loretta: Yeah, you go in and get that. Show that fishy who's boss.

Cleveland: Loretta, they have some of that three-bean salad you're so fond of. Hey, Quagmire.

Quagmire: (nervous chuckling) Well, we'll, uh... have to do this again sometime.

Loretta: You name the time and the place, little neck.

Quagmire: (snickers) (laughing and mumbling) (laughing) Oh, you di... Uh, uh... (laughing) Huh?

Lois: Oh, I've always loved charades. Your turn, Joe.

Joe: The category is "famous people." Okay, guess who I am.

Peter: Ironside!

Lois: Larry Flynt!

Meg: Steven Hawking!

Chris: Dr. Strangelove!

Cleveland: Roy Campanella!

Bonnie: Richard Petty!

Lois: Lance Armstrong!

Peter: Neil Armstrong! Stretch Armstrong! Stretch Cunningham! Howard Cunningham! Potsie Weber! The boat tips and Joe falls in the water and screams frantically. Oh, Natalie Wood! Definitely Natalie Wood!

Bonnie: Somebody save him; he can't swim!

Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick, Joe, kick!

Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!

Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick, Joe! Kick!

Santos and Pasqual cast a fishing net over the side and pull Joe back on board.

Bonnie: Somebody help him!

Peter pokes Joe with his fishing rod twice, then kicks him in the side. Pasqual administers CPR.

Peter: Aw, gay!

Joe: (coughing and retching) You were right, Peter. It was Natalie Wood.

Peter: Lois, why the hell do we have to take a stupid CPR class?

Lois: Because, Peter, none of us knew what to do when Joe was drowning. Now be quiet and pay attention.

CPR Trainer: Hi, there. I'd like to welcome y'all to CPR. I see a lot of smiles here in this room. There's one. Oh, there's another. That's good. I see that soda up under your chair. That's all right. Soda's all right on my watch. We also got Oreos here and fresh coffee. Everybody likes a snack. Now, who wants to go first? No takers? Well fine I'll go first.

Lois: Peter, why don't you volunteer?

Peter: Oh, no. I don't volunteer for anything since I helped those guys repaint the Sistine Chapel.

Cut Scene. Two cardinals walk into the chapel and gasp when they see Peter painting an "Obey Giant" logo.

Peter: Yeah, uh, listen. I thought the stuff that was there was kinda lame. So I put this up. Yeah, I figured Andre the Giant would be a little hipper, you know? Get back some of those boys that you scared away.

CPR Trainer: And that's pretty much all there is to it.

Peter: Eh. It's hard, jagged and tastes like alcohol. Just like kissing Faye Dunaway. (exaggerated laughter) Easy, now.

Stewie: Well, I can't believe we just did that. Hmm. Um, but, uh, you know, that stuff about spending the day together tomorrow, um, I-I forgot; actually, I have a thing... But, uh, you know, you have my e-mail address, so drop me a line, and then I'll have yours, and, uh, we'll take it from there, so, um... boop-boop. Belly button. Well, I'll see you later.

CPR Trainer: So, it's official. Y'all are card- carrying lifesavers.

Peter: Holy crap! A card with my name on it! I am now Peter Griffin, certified CPR. Come on, Lois, I've got lives to save!

CPR Trainer: Thanks. Be safe. Oh, nobody had any of the coffee. Only a couple of Oreos gone. I'm going to take the rest home for the cats.

Scene goes to a street corner where one car slightly bumps into the back of another.

Guy 2: Sorry, I was dialing the phone. Are you all right?

Guy 1: Yeah, don't worry about it. It doesn't look like there's any...

Peter: Peter Griffin, Certified CPR; don't anyone panic.

Guy 1: Ah! What the hell are you doing?!

Guy 2: You know, I don't think he's hurt.

Peter begins to perform CPR on Guy 1.

Peter: I'll get to you in a moment, sir. All right, I'm going to have to check and see if he soiled himself. Sir, sir, sir...

Guy 1: What the hell is wrong with you?!

Peter: Sir, I've got to check and see if you soiled yourself.

Guy 1: Get off of me! Are you crazy?! Aah!

Peter: Sir, I'm going to need you to stop struggling.

Guy 1: Ow! I hurt my elbow! Somebody call a cop!

Peter: I've got to get these trousers off.

Guy 1: Somebody call a cop! Ow! This is ridiculous! Nobody asked you to get involved, you idiot!

Guy 2: Get off him, you jackass!

Peter: Sir, I'm going to need you to step back. All right, looks like we're clean down here. You guys take it easy. No need to thank me; just pay it forward.

Scene cuts to Peter & Brian walking down a sidewalk.

Brian: So, they revoked your CPR card, huh?

Peter: Yeah. I tell you, this is worse than when they took away my library card for reading while intoxicated.

Cut to Peter in a library.

Peter: (drunk & loud) Oh, don't be ashamed of your hand, Johnny Tremaine! You still live in exciting times! Aw, crap.

Police Officer: Sir, do you know how loud you were reading?

Peter begins to run away from the cop while reading.

Peter: "The life of a silversmith's apprentice was not an easy one...", Aah!

Peter crashes into a bookcase causing then entire case to fall and crush him. Peter whimpers in pain. Cut back to Peter & Brian on the sidewalk.

Peter: I got to figure out some way to get that card back.

Brian: Well, you could always take the class again. I mean, I'm sure they'd give you another card.

A woman is heard screaming off screen.

Brian: Hey, do you hear that?

Peter: What?

Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming.

Peter: What is it boy? What are you trying to say?

Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming.

Peter: Trouble at the old mill?

Brian: What, are you insane?

Peter: Somebody fall through the ice?

Brian: It's summer.

Peter: Bobcat?

Brian: Unenthusiastic barking.

Peter: Loretta's in trouble! Come on, boy!

Peter & Brian enter Cleveland & Loretta Brown's house.

Peter: Peter Griffin, temporarily suspended CPR. Holy crap!

Peter realizes he's just caught Loretta having sex.

Brian: We should go.

Peter: Boy, that was embarrassing, huh? Walking in on Loretta and Cleveland having sex.

Brian: Uh, Peter, that wasn't, uh...

Peter: You know, for a large, heavyset black guy, Cleveland's got a cute little white ass.

Brian: That wasn't Cleveland. It was some white guy.

Back in Loretta's home.

Quagmire: What was that?

LorettaShut up and put some more of that sugar in my bowl!

Back outside Peter & Brian are standing on the sidewalk.

Peter: Wait a minute, Brian if that wasn't Cleveland doing it with Loretta, then Loretta's having an affair. Oh, we can't tell anyone about this. That is the last thing in the world we want to do.

Cut to the Griffin's living room with Peter & Brian surrounded by luggage, oxygen tanks, Disneyworld hats, hang gliders, ect.. Joe, Bonnie, Quagmire & Lois are sitting on the couch.

Peter: What a day! We've done everything in the world. So, I guess the only thing left to do is tell you that Loretta Brown is having an affair.

Lois: (gasp)

Joe: Good Lord!

Bonnie: Oh no.

Quagmire: Eh, uhhh, Oh no.

Quagmire: (in his head) Oh God, I'm screwed. This is worse than that time I had to 'fess up to the nation.

Cut to Quagmire in the Oval Office in a Bill Clinton getup.

Quagmire: My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did gagoogity that girl. I gashmoigitied her gaflavity with my googis. And I am sorry.

Back in the living room.

Quagmire: Uh, heh, any idea who it was Peter?

Peter: No, we didn't see his face.

Quagmire: (relieved laughter)

Brian: All we know is it's a skinny white guy with a tattoo on his left butt cheek.

Peter: Well, I better tell Cleveland. I got a knack for delivering bad news.

Cut Scene. Dr. Hartman is talking to a patient in a hopsital.

Dr. Hartman: I don't know how to tell you this, Mr. Devanney, so I'll let these guys do it.

Enter Peter and a barbershop quartet. A sprightly ragtime piano intro begins.

Peter: ♪ You have AIDS ♪

Group: ♪ Yes, you have AIDS ♪

Peter: ♪ I hate to tell you, boy ♪ ♪ that you have AIDS ♪

Group: ♪ You got the AIDS ♪

Peter: ♪ You may have caught it when you stuck ♪ ♪ that filthy needle in here ♪ Indicates arm.

Group: ♪ Or maybe all that unprotected sex put you here ♪

Peter: ♪ It isn't clear ♪

All: ♪ But what we're certain of is ♪

Peter: ♪ You have AIDS ♪

Group: ♪ Yes, you have AIDS ♪

Peter: ♪ Not HIV,

All: but full-blown AIDS ♪

Group: ♪ Be sure that you see ♪ ♪ That this is not HIV ♪

All: ♪ But full-blown AIDS ♪ ♪ Not HIV, but really full-blown AIDS ♪

Bass Solo: ♪ I'm sorry, I wish it was something less serious ♪

All: ♪ But it's AIDS ♪ ♪ You've got the AIDS. ♪

End Cut Scene

Peter: So, listen, Cleveland, um, the reason I asked you out here, uh, I've been wanting to talk to you about something. In Superman II, what is the story with that cellophane "S" that Superman rips off his chest and throws at the bad guy?

Villain: Prepare to be destroyed, Superman. Superman throws the cellophane "S" at the villain which brings him to the ground and then disappears. What was that?

Superman: Yeah, take that, you jerk.

Villain: That was a minor inconvenience.

Superman: Yeah, well, that's the idea. Slowed you down.

Villain: I'll say. Ow.

Superman: Didn't see that coming, did you?

Villain: No.

Superman: Yeah, well, you know, take that.

Peter:Which actually brings me to my next point. Uh, your wife's cheating on you.

Cleveland: What?!

Peter:Yeah, uh, it's actually a pretty funny story, uh, true story. Uh, Brian and I walked into your house and, uh, she was with some guy going bam-bam-bam-bam-bam...!

Brian: Uh, Peter, uh, maybe, uh...

Peter: Hang on, I'm not done. Bam-bam-bam! And then she's all, "Oh, yeah, oh, yeah!" Bam-bam-bam! You want to take it from here, Bamm-Bamm?

Bamm-Bamm: Bam-bam, bam-bam-bam! You want to take it from here, Emeril?

Emeril Lagasse: Bam!

Peter: So, that's what we're dealing with. Any thoughts?

Cleveland: Loretta, is it true what they're saying? Were you really having carnal relations with another gentleman?

Loretta: I'm a woman, Cleveland. I need some passion in my life. I need a real man, and Lord knows that ain't you.

Cleveland: Well, I admit after a long day at work, I don't always come home with that "Riunite on ice, that's nice" mentality. And for that, I apologize.

Loretta: "Apologize"? I cheat on you, and you apologize to me? Cleveland Brown, you are pathetic.

Cleveland: I disagree, but I respect your candor.

Loretta: Good-bye, Cleveland!

Cleveland: I love you...

Lois: (doorbell rings) Oh, hi, Cleveland. Hey, what are you doing here?

Cleveland: Oh, Loretta kicked me out.

Lois: Oh, Cleveland, I am so sorry. You can stay here as long as you like.

Peter: Cleveland, sit down. I want to sing a little song that, uh, kept me going when I had troubles. (opening guitar riff from "Rock Lobster") ♪ We were at the beach ♪ ♪ Everybody had matching towels ♪ ♪ Somebody went under a dock ♪ ♪ And there they saw a rock ♪ ♪ But it wasn't a rock ♪ ♪ It was a rock lobster ♪ ♪ Rock lobster! ♪ (yelping): ♪ Rock lobster... ♪ (goofy chuckle) Yeah, you're going to be OK.

Lois: Now, everybody, Cleveland's going to be staying with us for a few days.

Peter: That's right, kids, so just treat him like one of the family.

Chris: You mean like Cousin Jeanine, who we're polite to but then mock her diabetes on the drive home? Ha-ha-ha-ha! She can't eat caramel!

Peter: (laughing): Exactly.

Stewie: (to Cleveland) C-Can I touch your hair? I'm going to do it; I'm going to touch it. Oh, it's like a sheep!

Lois: You know, Peter, I'm a little worried about Cleveland. His wife cheated on him, kicked him out of the house, and he doesn't seem at all affected by it.

Brian: He's probably bottling up his emotions. That's not good for you.

Lois: Right. I almost got an ulcer after you shelled out 200 bucks for tickets to Crossing Over with John Edward.

John Edward: I'm sensing an "A." Does your name begin with an "A"?

Peter: No.

John Edward: A "B"?

Peter: No.

John Edward: C, d, e, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, m, N, O, P...

Peter: "P"! Peter! My name's Peter! '

John Edward: Is your name Peter?

Peter: Wow. You are some kind of sorcerer.

Lois: What Cleveland really needs right now is to learn how to express his feelings.

Peter: Nah, what he needs right now is a revenge lay, and I know just who to talk to.

Cut Scene. Giant cutout face of Peter goes from the front of the screen to the back, turns once to reveal Quagmires face who then comes towards the screen. Scene resumes with Peter & Brain walking to Quarmire's house. They proceed by ringing the doorbell only to have the camera cut inside to see Quagmire dressed in nothing but leopard underwear. Quagmire answers the door.

Brian: Oh, God.

Quagmire: Huh, sorry guys. Let me throw something on.

Zoom in of Quagmires behind to reveal a tattoo that says, "YOUR FACE HERE CALL 555-0143

Brian: Peter, look!

Peter: Holy crap! That's the tattoo! Well, I think we're about to find out who the culprit is.

Peter pulls out cell phone and begins to dial.

Peter: 555-0143.

Brian: Peter, I...

Peter: Shut up, Brian! I'm sleuthing.

Quagmires phone rings.

Quagmire: Hello?

Peter: Quagmire?

Quagmire: Yeah.

Peter: Hey, it's Peter. What's going on, buddy? We're at your house.

Brian: Peter, he's the one we saw sleeping with Loretta!

Peter: Oh, my God!

Quagmire: Damn it, I knew this was gonna happen. Look, I didn't mean it, you know? I-I knew it was a mistake! It never felt right. Please don't tell Cleveland!

Peter: Well, all right, Quagmire.

Cut to the Griffin's living room with Peter, Cleveland, Lois & Brian.

Peter: Cleveland, Quagmire's sleeping with your wife.

Lois: What?

Cleveland: Quagmire slept with Loretta?

Lois: Oh, my God, Cleveland, I am so sorry. I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now.

Cleveland: It's okay.

Brian: It's okay?! It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend?!

Cleveland: Better it be Quagmire than someone she could get a disease from.

Lois: Cleveland, don't you see? This is why your wife left you. You don't have any passion. Sometimes a woman wants to see her man be a man. You got to push back a little! You got to get a little rough! Oh God, Peter hit me!

Lois pulls down her pants and faces her rear out towards Peter.

Brian: Yeah!

Brian smacks Lois on the butt.

Lois: Ow!

Lois turns back around looking sheepish.

Brian: Wow. So that's, uh, that's something about Quagmire and, uh, Loretta, huh?

Cut to Peter & Cleveland walking along the sidewalk.

Peter: Cleveland, we got to get your manhood back. Now, the first thing we're gonna do is take you to a good, old-fashioned wrestling match.

Peter & Cleveland sit inside the wresling surrounded by hillbillies.

Peter: All right, Cleveland. Nothing like a good smackdown to get the testosterone going.

Macho Man Randy Savage: I must be in Quahog, 'cause all I see is a bunch of hicks!

Peter: Oh, you take that back, Macho Man Randy Savage! Oh, doesn't he make you so mad you just want to go down there and hit him?

Cleveland: No.

Peter: Well, maybe not him 'cause he's kind of big. But don't you want to hit the guy sitting next to you? Well, not him, 'cause he's kind of big, too, but don't you want to hit his kid?

Peter runs over and punches the kid in the face.

Peter: Take that, Macho Man Randy Savage, you jerk!

Cut back to the Griffin livingroom with Peter & Cleveland.

Peter: All right, Cleveland, if this doesn't light a fire in your belly, nothing will.

Peter puts on a Quagmire mask and begins to impersonate him.

Peter: Hey, look at me, I'm Quagmire. I had sex with your wife! Giggity-giggity, giggity-giggity.

Cleveland: (laughs) Those are so his mannerisms.

Brian enters.

Brian: Peter, what the hell are you doing?

Peter: I'm not Peter, I'm Quagmire, and I'm doing you, Loretta!

Peter puts a Loretta mask on Brian and pretends to have sex with him.

Brian: What the hell?

Peter: Oh! Oh, you like that? Yeah, yeah, much better than Cleveland.

Brian: Hey, Peter, knock it off!

Peter: Yeah, you sweet thing.

Brian: Get your damn hands off me, you son of a bi...

Peter: Oh, like it dirty, don't you? Easy, girl, easy.

Brian: What the hell are you doing?

Peter: Cleveland can't satisfy you.

Brian: What is that in your pocket?

Peter: Quagmire's got the cure.

Brian: Lois! Somebody!

Peter: Yeah, yeah.

Cleveland stands up and tears the mask off Peter's face, he then rips the mask in half.

Cleveland: Glenn Quagmire, you're dead!

"Popeye" theme music begins to play as Cleveland eats a can of spinach Popeye style. Steam proceeds to blow out of Clevelands ears. Cleveland begins to storm towards the door.

Peter: All right, all right, calm down, Cleveland.

Quagmire: I'm gonna kill Quagmire! (panting)

Peter: Oh God, you're hyperventilating!

Peter: Chris, get me a bag.

Chris hands Peter a plastic bag.

Cleveland:(panting)

Peter: Okay, Cleveland, breathe into the bag. It'll calm you down.

Peter places the bag over Clevelands head.

Lois: Peter, I'm not sure that that's...

Cleveland begins grasping for air.

Peter: Not now, Lois. Okay, Cl-Cl... Okay, Cl-Cleveland, Cleveland, relax, relax, relax, relax, relax. There you go. There you go. Okay, shh, shh-shh-shh-shh. It's okay, it's okay. It's all gonna be okay.

Clevelands lays on the ground, unconsious.

Lois: Peter, you better do your CPR.

Peter: There's no time, Lois. I gotta go warn Quagmire while I got the chance. Quick! To the Petercopter!

Peter runs outside and gets inside his Petercopter. The copter takes off only to crash into a tree and crashland onto Joe's front yard.

Peter: Aah! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God. Oh, my God! Oh!

Joe: Peter, what the hell!

Peter: Joe, Joe, get inside. The blades are still spinning!

Joe: Oh, my God, Peter, what is that thing?

Peter: Get... Joe-Joe, get in... Joe, get in...

Joe: It's tearing up my yard!

Peter: Oh, oh, God. Oh, my God! Oh, no! No! (screaming)

The Petercopter stops, all is calm.

Peter: (sighs) Oh, Joe! Oh, I am sorry, buddy. Oh, my... Are-Are you okay?

Joe: It's okay. Look, it's okay.

Peter: You all right?

Joe: It's okay. I'm fine.

Peter: Oh, boy.

Joe: Everybody's fine.

Peter: Oh, that was scary.

Peter & Quagmire arrive at Mayor Adam West's house.

Quagmire: Peter, what are we doing here?

Peter: Trust me, Quagmire. Cleveland will never think to look for you at Mayor West's house.

Peter: Hey there.

Quagmire: How you doing?

Mayor West: Good evening, gentlemen.

Peter: Listen, Mayor West, my friend Quagmire here's in trouble. He needs a place to stay tonight.

Mayor West: Say no more. I'll protect you, sir. It is my job. I only ask that you do not feed my cat Bootsy, as he's already eaten and might throw up.

Cut back to the Griffin house where Cleveland is pounding his fist into his hand. Stewie enters and turns on the TV.

Endora: Well, "Durwood", now you really are the big man of the house.

Samantha: Mother, change him back.

Endora: (magical tinkle)

Darin: You know, Endora, uh, I'm getting a little sick of this crap. You ever seen one of these, huh? You know what this is, huh?

Endora: No.

Darin: Yeah, it's holy water. Huh? Yeah. Try it.

Darin begins to throw the holy water at Endora.

Endora:(screaming)

Darin: Yeah. How's that feel? Yeah, you like that? Yeah? Power of Christ compels you, bitch.

Back in the living room.

Cleveland: I hate Bewitched! (roars)

Cleveland flips the couch Stewie is sitting on upside down.

Stewie: Hey, so, that's a pretty reasonable reaction, huh?

Cut back to Mayor Adam West's house with Quagmire in bed and Mayor West in full British guard uniform.

Mayor West: It's all right to go to sleep, my friend. I'll stand guard.

Quagmire: Uh... okay.

Mayor West: Don't worry, I'll be here all night. Just don't try to make me smile. I'm forbidden to smile. Oh, no. That episode of Growing Pains when Mike's friend Boner ran for student council. (stifled laugh) Boner. (laughing) His name was... Boner. (giggling) (laughing) Bone... (guffawing) I've failed you.

Quagmire: Yeah, this is, uh, kind of creeping me out. I'm gonna go.

Mayor West: Take this. For protection.

Mayor West hands Quagmire a banana.

Quagmire: What the hell's this for?

Mayor West: When the time comes, you'll know.

Back at the Griffin house Cleveland is doing pull-ups in the Griffin front doorway.

Cleveland: I'll teach him to mess with my wife.

Lois: Oh, hi, Cleveland. Will, uh, you be joining us for dinner?

Cleveland: (grunting)

Lois: Okay, then.

Trainer: He's a wreckin' machine!

Lois enters the kitchen.

Lois: Peter, we have got to do something about Cleveland. I think you created a monster.

Peter: Well, there's only one thing to do, Lois. We got to get Loretta and Cleveland back together. And I know just how to do it. To the Hindenpeter!

Peter runs outside, through the window we see a large blimp with Peter's face on the front fly by. We hear a massive explosion leading one to belive the Hindenpeter has exploded.

Joe: Oh, my God!

Peter: Joe, I am so sorry!

Joe: How can you afford these things?

Cut to Quagmire's house where Quagmire is leaving a message on Cleveland's answering machine.

Quagmire: Yeah, Cleveland, this is Quagmire. Uh, listen, I feel awful. Why don't you come on over, and we can try to get things back to the way they used to be? Remember how it was?

Cut to a laundromat with Cleveland & Quagmire in 60's clothing, a la SNL's "Wild and Crazy Guys"

Cleveland (in czech accent): Perhaps here there are many unsuspecting foxes to have sex with us.

Quagmire (in czech accent): That is why we wear tight pants to show our bulges!

Cleveland (in czech accent): We are...

Quagmire & Cleveland (in czech accent): ...two wild and crazy guys!

Peter enters with a conehead, a la SNL's "Coneheads"

Peter: You guys look stupid.

Cut back to Quagmire's house.

Quagmire: Anyway, let's talk this thing through.

Thunder rumbles and lightning crashes as Cleveland comes crashing through Quagmire's door holding a wooden bat.

Quagmire: Oh, uh, hey, Cleveland. I was just leaving you a message.

Cleveland: You violated the sanctity of my marriage.

Cleveland begins to chase Quagmire around Quagmire's house, anything Cleveland hits with bat causes a bed to appear. As time goes on the two are running down a hallway when Quagmire begins to reminisce on Mayor Wests advice.

Mayor West: When the time comes, you'll know.

Quagmire stops and throws the banana at Cleveland. Cleveland stands unaffected.

Quagmire: Damn it!

Quagmire contines to run away and dives out the nearest window. Slowly beginning to move Quagmire looks up to see Cleveland standing infront of him. Cleveland prepares to bash Quagmire with the wooden bat

Lois: Oh, this is awful! Somebody stop them! Do something!

Cleveland looks to Chris, then Meg, then Lois & Stewie, then Emperor Palpatine.

Emperor Palpatine: Good. Let the hate flow through you.

Lois: No more helping.

Cleveland stares down at a quivering Quagmire.

Cleveland: Oh, I can't. It isn't in me to cause harm to anyone. No matter how much someone has harmed me.

Quagmire: I'm sorry, Cleveland.

Peter: Cleveland, I think this beautiful woman would like to say something to you.

Loretta: You told me this was Lois' intervention!

Peter: Nice. Cleveland.

Cleveland: Loretta, what you did was unforgivable. This marriage is over.

Loretta: Well, that's just fine, Cleveland, 'cause I am through being your wife.

Cleveland: Well, I may not be perfect, but I deserve better than you.

Peter: Look at that, Lois. As beautiful as an HBO minority fairy tale.

Lois: But Peter, their marriage is ending.

Peter: Well, look at the bright side, Lois. It's a chance for a fresh start. For both Cleveland and Lor...

A man with a red afro appears and kicks Peter in the nuts.

Peter: (screams)

Laughing and clapping is heard as Peter rolls around on the ground.

Lois: Oh, my God!

Peter: Ow!

Lois: What are you doing? What's wrong with you?

Peter: What the hell, man?!

Man with Afro: Hurts, doesn't it?

Peter: What the hell do...? Yes!

Man with Afro: (laughs)

Peter: What the hell's your problem?

Man with Afro: My friend, my friend.

Peter: Ow! Ow! What?

Man with Afro: You've been "Kicked in the ****."

Peter: No way!

Man with Afro: You're gonna be on TV.

Peter: Oh, sweet! Oh.

Lois: Wow!

Peter: Oh, my God.

Lois: We love that show.

Peter: Oh, that is awesome. Hey, hi.

Man with Afro: You're on it.

Peter: Oh, wow.

Cut to Quagmire's basement. Cleveland & Quagmire stand in a boxing ring.

Cleveland: Glenn, you sure you want to do this? I already told you I forgive you.

Quagmire: No, no, I feel like I got off too easy.

Cleveland: All right, if you insist.

Quagmire: You, uh, want to ring the bell, Apollo?

Cleveland: All right. Ding-Ding.

Quagmire & Cleveland come out of their corners, circle around each other and then both lunge towards each other. The frame freezes as "Eye of the Tiger" begins to play, the freeze frame fades into a LeRoy Neiman-style painting.

♪ It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight ♪ ♪ Risin' up to the challenge of our rival...

Roll Credits