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Theme Song

[Scene: The Drunken Clam, 1977. Cleveland, Peter, and Quagmire are sitting at a table in 70s clothing. There is disco music playing.]

Horace: Here you go, boys. (Passes the group some beers.)

Peter: Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places. (Jabs his finger onto the table.)

Cleveland: Oh, that's cool. (Quagmire bobs his head)

[The Drunken Clam, 1984. Cleveland, Peter, and Quagmire are sitting at a table in 80s clothing. Muzaked version of "Every Breath You Take" by the Police is playing.]

Horace: Here you go, boys. (Passes the group some beers.)

Peter: Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places. (Jabs his finger onto the table.)

Cleveland: Oh, that's fly. (Quagmire bobs his head)

[The Drunken Clam, present day. Cleveland, Peter, Joe, and Quagmire are sitting at a table in their regular clothing. There is music playing.]

Horace: Here you go, boys.

Peter: Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. I'm gonna go places. (Jabs his finger onto the table.)

Cleveland: Oh, you are living la vida loca. (Quagmire bobs his head.)

Joe: Well, it's late. I better head home.

Horace: What do you mean "home"? You guys live here.

(all laughing)

Quagmire: Yeah. Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys. Where they don't ask for proof of age,and neither do I. (All sip their beer)

Cleveland: Quagmire, you forgot to say "oh."

Quagmire: (looking around) Are you sure? I think--think I did. All right. Well, just to be safe, oh! (Does his signature thrust. Sudden cut to the bar's TV.)

Diane Simmons: We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin on the approach of hurricane Norman.

Tom Tucker: Here with an update is Greg, the weather mime.

(Shows Greg making shivering motions. Cut back to Tom.)

Tom Tucker: Okay, i-it's gonna be cold, very cold, and--and there's gonna be wind, and- (Shows Greg wiggling his fingers and bringing his hands down. (Implying rain.) Cut back to Tom.)-people's parents will throw fecal matter down on them from the rooftops! How awful! (Shows Greg glaring at Tom with clenched fists.) Oh, no. I'm sorry, that's--that's rain. Yes. It'll rain.

(Cut to the hallway of the Griffin house. The lights are off. Lois is kneeling on the floor next to the children.)

Lois: Remember,the number-one cause of injury during a hurricane is broken glass. So stay away from the windows. (Glares at Peter.) And Peter, put those away.

(Shows Peter with many drinking glasses set on a table)

Peter: Aw, come on, Lois. Just one more song. (Begins playing music with glasses)

Chris: Mom, I'm afraid if I fall asleep, the hurricane's gonna sneak up on me and give me a vasectomy.

Peter: Relax, Chris. Nothing bad ever happens when you're asleep. In fact, sometimes good things can happen.

(Cut to a scene of Peter and Lois lying in bed together. Peter is sleeping.)

Peter: Oh, Jeni. Jeni. (Lois opens her eyes.) Oh, yeah, Jeni, don't stop. (Lois sits up in bed and glares at Peter.) Oh, Richard Jeni, your HBO comedy specials have brought pleasure to millions. (Lois smiles, lies down and closes her eyes.) And what a sweet ass. (Lois snaps her eyes open.)

(Cut to a scene of a priest standing outside a house, ushering women inside.)

Priest: Right this way, everyone.

Woman: Bless you for helping us, Father.

Priest: It's God's wish, my dear. (Woman walks inside. The Priest takes off his mask to reveal that he's actually Quagmire.) (snickers) All right!

(Cut to the news.)

Diane Simmons: Well, hurricane Norman is beginning to pound Quahog. We now go live to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa for a look at how locals are dealing with the imminent disaster. Tricia? (Cut to a scene of Tricia Takanawa standing outside. Fierce winds are blowing.)

Tricia Takanawa: Diane, I am here in- (Gets hit by a car that is being blown by the wind. Cut back to the news.)

Diane Simmons: Thank you, Tricia. Stay tuned for further- (Gets hit by Greg the Weather Mime, who is being blown by the wind.)

Cut to the outside of the Griffin house, after the hurricane is over.)

Griffin Family: Ahh! Oh, what a mess!

Meg: Look at that! (Points to a tree with a plank through it.)

Brian: Wow!

(Peter backs out from behind a car, screaming. He has a plank stuck through his stomach.)

Peter: For the love of God, do something!

Family: Oh, my God! Daddy! Daddy!

Peter: Oh, God! Oh, God! Gotcha! (Pulls the plank off to reveal it's one of those arrow-through-the-head dealies. Family laughs.) See, kids, natural disasters have their lighter sides, too. You just have to be creative.

Chris: Yeah, like my dead-rat marionette theater. (is shown holding two dead rats attached to strings, like puppets. Chris begins to make a "conversation" between the two rats.)

Rat 1: "I'm so stressed. Life sure is a human race."

(The family laughs)

Stewie: Right, that's brilliant!

(Cut to a scene of Peter, Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire in a car, looking at the wreckage.)

Cleveland: Oh, my, look at all the damage.

Peter: Oh, thank God the open air debris garden is still intact. (Shows the open air debris garden. Which is actually a bunch of trash.)

Cleveland: Peter, look! (Points) The Clam! (Tires screeching as Peter brakes, Cleveland gets slammed into the windshield. They rush out of the car to see the wreckage of the Clam.)

Peter: Ahh! This is horrible! (Quagmire gets all teary around this point.)

Horace: (is carrying a suitcase) You think this is horrible, try losing a testicle in a knife fight with your mother!

Joe: What about your bar?!

Horace: It's not my bar anymore. I sold the place. Let someone else worry about hurricanes.

Peter: Who'd buy a wrecked bar?

Horace: The bar's not wrecked. (A bulldozer clears away the wreckage to reveal a new bar called "The Clam's Head Pub.")

Together: All right!

Peter: Oh, thank you, God.

God: Don't mention it. (rides off on a white horse. Quagmire, Peter, Joe, and Cleveland rush into the new Clam.)

Peter: Wait a minute. Something's different. (orchestral music playing. Pans around the room to show British men dressed in suits, and bowlers, and all that jazz.)

British bartender: Evening, gents. How about a nice, warm lager?

British Man: And help yourself to a packet of crisps.

British Man 2: Or a ruddy nice plum pudding.

Peter: Holy crap! It's a gay bar! (Cleveland stares at Peter)

[Rule Britannia playing]

Joe: They turned the Drunken Clam into a British pub!

Peter: Oh, well, at least they still got sports on TV. (Walks over to the TV.)

Announcer: The new bowler for Somerset is our Spinner Heath who has a cover point long on square leg deep extra cover on two short legs.

Peter: What the hell is he talking about?

British Guy: Oh, it's cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball towards the batter, who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course.

Peter:Anybody get that?

Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette."

Peter: Well, someone tell this cigarette to shut up. (Quagmire rushes in from the bathroom, holding a book.)

Quagmire: Hey, guys! Th-there's no more girlie magazines in the can! All they got is this--this David Copperfield! (Displays the book.)

Peter: W-w-wait, any pictures of his girlfriend? (Quagmire flips frantically through the pages.)

Quagmire: No! No pictures at all!

[All gasp. Cleveland crosses his eyes.]

Cleveland: I think we should go.

Peter': Yes. This is a dark and evil place. (All back out slowly. Cut to two British Guys sitting in the pub.)

British Guy: I say, Caruthers.

'Caruthers: Hmm.

British Guy: Do you know what's very, very, funny? (pause) A man dressed in women's clothing.

Caruthers: Hmm, yes, quite. Ripping good laugh.

British Guy: Yes.

Caruthers: Hmm.

[Scene: The inside of the Griffin house. Peter bursts through the door.]

Peter: Lois, the Drunken Clam's been taken over by a bunch of lousy, limey, tea-sucking British bastards!

Lois: Peter!

Nigel: Hello, Nigel Pinchley here. I was just introducing myself to your wife, who I must say is an absolutely gorgeous bit of crumpet. (Nigel and Lois start laughing. Nigel looks over Lois. )

Peter: Holy crap! You're one of them!

Lois: Peter! Nigel and his daughter are our new neighbors.

Nigel: Yes, and I'm afraid I'm the "limey bastard" who has purchased your bar. Bit of an awkward moment, really.

Peter: Awkward moment? I'll give you an awkward moment. One time during sex, I called Lois "Frank." Your move, Sherlock. (Nigel stares at Lois, and Lois looks shocked. And embarressed.)

Lois: Peter! (To Nigel) Excuse us. (Ushers Peter out of the room.) Why are you acting like this? Nigel's charming. All British men are.

Peter: Yeah, right. That's what they said about Benjamin Disraeli. (Cut to a scene of Benjamin Disraeli sitting at a desk)

Benjamin Disraeli: You don't even know who I am. (Cut back to Lois and Peter)

Lois: The British are a lovely people. Not physically, of course, but inside. And Nigel has a very sweet little daughter.

(Scene: Outside the Griffin House. Stewie is sitting at a small table. A girl approaches.)

Eliza: (cockney accent) Aw, look at the little baby!

Stewie: Ahh! What the devil is that ghastly noise?

Eliza: It's me! Eliza Pinchley. You want a flower, little baby? (offers a flower to Stewie)

Stewie: Excuse me. What I think you mean to say is,"Would I like a flower?" Heavens! You don't so much speak the language as chew on it and spit it out!

Eliza: Go on. What's wrong with the way I talk?

Stewie: [shuddering] Everything. Look, here's a shiny sixpence if you keep your mouth shut and go away. (Tosses the coin on the ground. Eliza turns and bends down to pick it up. Stewie glances at her butt.) Eh!

(Back to Lois and Peter)

Lois: Honey, I know the Drunken Clam was your bar. But maybe you and your friends can find somewhere else to act like idiots.

Peter: Yeah, I guess you're right. You know why I married you, Lois? It's not just the rack, or the caboose. It's that big, sexy brain of yours. (Begins licking Lois's head. Both are laughing.)

(Cut to a scene of the gang entering a purple club called the Cherry Pit. They stand in the doorway.)

Peter: All right, this place isn't bad.

Joe: Oh yeah. Good music, real sports on the tube.

Quagmire: I've never seen so many chicks in one place. Hey, hey. Check out those two hotties.(snickering) They're so lonely, they're practicing kissing each other.

Cleveland: I don't think they're practicing.

All: (Dissapointed) Oh. (Happier) Oh! (Uh, delighted?) Ah! (Realization setting in.)Oh. (All turn to leave, except Quagmire. He walks over to the two hotties mentioned earlier. And he bobs his head a bit.)

Quagmire: So, you ladies ever been penetrated? (He gets forcefully thrown out of the club. Ow.)

(Go to a scene of Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire standing in front of a fence, King of the Hill style.)

Quagmire: Yup.

Peter: Yup.

Joe: Yup.

Cleveland?: Mmm-hmm.

[Across the street a large red double-decker bus stops in front of the Clam's Head Pub. A lot of people get out and walk into the pub.]

Woman: Hope the loo is working.

Quagmire: Ah, this sucks. Nice choice for a hangout, Peter. There's not even anywhere to sit down!

Joe: Is that some kinda crack?

Peter: What do you mean crack, are you saying I got a fat ass?

Cleveland: Fellas, fellas, what's become of us? We never squabbled before we lost the Clam.

Quagmire: Yeah, you're right! It's those lousy fog breathers!

Peter: Damn British! First they took our bar, now they're taking our friendship! What's next, apple pie, fast cars, and action films?

(Cut to the beginning of a movie. The names Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone come down in a stereotypical action film way. You know what I mean. The screen clears to pan over a lake. The title 'I Remember Cecil' appears slowly on the screen in cursive. It then shows Sly and Arnold in a boat on the lake. Stallone is trailing his hand in the water.)

Schwarzenegger: (voiceover) It was a glorious summer in Oxford when I met Freddy Cavendish, a most remarkable young man, whose friendship would change my life forever.

Sylvester Stallone: (Leans back in the boat) You are the anchor that gives my spirit license to soar.

(Cut back to the guys)

Joe: Our forefathers wouldn't have taken it on the chin like this.

Peter: You're damn right. I say we fight the British and drive them back to whatever country they came from!

(All begin cheering and raising their beers in the air and whatnot.]

Cleveland: We gonna get 'em.

(Cut back to the Griffin house. Stewie is on the floor and Brian is reading a book. Lois comes over.)

Lois: Stewie, look. It's an invitation to little Eliza's birthday party!

Stewie: You mean that horrid girl who talks like a scullery maid? I didn't realize she'd been born. I assumed she'd simply congealed in a gutter somewhere. (Lois chuckles.)

Lois: Ooh, i'm gonna r.s.v.p. right now! (Walks off)

Stewie: Oh, splendid. An entire afternoon of her "ers," and "ars," and "'alf a pound of ha'penny rice." God, why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

Brian: (Looks up from reading.) Why don't you teach her? Unless you don't think you're up to it.

Stewie: (Mockingly) Oh, yes, this is the part where I'm supposed to say, "Oh, I am so up to it". (Begins laughing, then abruptly stops and points accusingly at Brian.) Well, I am! I accept your challenge! At the celebration of her birthday, I shall pass that guttersnipe off as a lady! What are the stakes of this wager?

Brian: Why don't you shut up for about a week?

Stewie: Very well. And if I win?

Brian: Well, I--I wasn't betting. (Gets up from chair.)Why don't you just shut up for about a week? (Walks off)

Stewie: You're on!

(Shows Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire dressed in colonial clothing. They enter the doorway of the Clam's Head Pub. Quagmire is holding a flag, Cleveland is drumming, Peter is playing the fife.))

Peter: Minutemen, present arms! (They each hold up a beer) Load weapons! (They all begin shaking their beers and chanting)

All: Boom-shaka-laka-laka! Boom-shaka-laka-laka! Boom-shaka-laka-laka!

Peter: Fire! (They open their beers and let it splash all over the English customers.)

Various British: Oh, I say! Throw the blackguards out!

Nigel: Gentlemen, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave!

Cleveland: Don't tread on me!

Peter: Yeah, back off! We kicked your ass in World War II, and we can do it again!

Nigel: Very well, then. If you refuse to go peaceably, I'm afraid we'll have to useour superior linguistic skills to convince you to leave.

Peter: Oh, yeah? Just try it!

All: Bye, now.

Cleveland:Thanks.

Joe: Sorry to bother you.

Quagmire: I never saw it that way before. Wait, how the hell did they do that?

Peter:Well, we're not gonna let this stop us. I've never been defeated, except once.

[Peter is in the cycle race sequence from Tron]

[Electronic sound effects]

Peter: Eric?

Eric: Peter!

Peter: Oh, my God, I haven't seen you since high school. God! What are you doing these days?

Eric: I'm the red guy.

Peter: Oh my God.

Eric: What are you doing?

Peter: I'm the green guy.

Eric: No kidding?

Peter: Yeah.

Eric: Hey, is that Stacy Beecham?

Peter: Where?

[Eric cuts off Peter's light cycle]

[cut to Quahog Harbor]

[Mysterious instrumental music]

Peter: Now, don't worry. These guys are trained to stay perfectly still. Check it out. Hey, Margaret Thatcher...what the hell? I thought you English guys never moved.

Sentry: No. That's just our women. [both laughing] Bloody hell! My lunch was in that hat! Egg and chips with jam booties!

Joe: Welcome to the Quahog Beer Party!

Cleveland: I do feel a little guilty about pollutin'.

Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through.

Cleveland: Peter, what are you doing?

Peter: Hey, it may taste like a warm cup of tobacco chewers' spit but it's still beer, damn it.

Quagmire: Good point. Bottoms up!

Peter: Take that, you lousy Brits!

Lois: Peter, we waited up all night. Where were you?

Peter: Where was I? Where were you?

Lois: Out drinking. But I was back by 2:00.

Brian: Oh, no!

Tom Tucker: Our top story: the Clam's Head Pub has burned to the ground. Our own Tricia Takanawa is on the scene.

Tricia Takanawa: Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist? Police say no, but our producer says yes. Here's an artist's depiction of what the arsonist might look like. [sketch of a giant, fire-breathing insect] Anyone with information about this suspect should contact Quahog police immediately. One thing is certain-the pain here is palpable. For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II gives poignant new meaning to the phrase, "Hey, check out that flaming queen."

Tom Tucker: In a late-breaking development, the police have a new suspect. We now go live to Hispanic reporter, Maria... [Stuttering]

Diane Simmons: Jimenez.

Tom Tucker: I know what it is.

Maria Jimenez: Well, Tom, at this moment we're approaching the suspect's house.

Peter: Ah, this is better than Cops. You know there's a fat drunk guy in there.

Cop 1: Hold it!

Cop 2: Freeze!

Peter: There he is.

Cop 2: Hands up, Griffin! You're coming with us.

Peter: Hang on, hang on, I want to see what they do with this jackass.

Cop 2: Hands up!

Lois: Oh, my God! Peter, you didn't!

Peter: Hey, fatty's wife is a babe!

Cop 2: That's it!

Maria Jimenez: Well, Tom, it appears the real arsonist is in custody thanks to an anonymous tip to the authorities.

Giant Bug: Good. Good.

Peter: The fat guy's struggling. Hit him, you stupid pigs, hit him! Use the billy...

[Solemn instrumental music]

Judge: This Quahog Minutemen flag was found at the wreckage of the Clam's Head. You are clearly guilty of arson, so you are free to go... straight to jail! Now you got burned! No bail!

Lois: Peter, tell me you didn't do this.

Peter: Lois, I didn't do it! You know you can trust me, right? Come on, let's sit down and talk about this.

Lois: I want to believe you, but...

Peter: Gotcha! But seriously, you can trust me.

Nigel: Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry this terrible tragedy has befallen you.

Lois: Thank you, Nigel. You're very kind.

Nigel: Can I touch your bum once?

Lois: What?

Nigel: Now I expect to see you at Eliza's birthday, and I won't take no for an answer unless the question is, "Do you not like me?" Get it? Double negative, you know? Very good. Yes.

[Sinister instrumental music]

Inmate 1: Hey, check out the new meat!

Inmate 2: I like the fat one. More cushion for the pushin'.

Peter: Thank you!

Inmate 3: You and me gonna have a good time together!

Peter: Gosh, everybody's so nice here. I mean, they're gonna be disappointed when they find out I'm not gay, but wow!

Joe: Oh, my God. See that guy? That's the most vicious killer I ever put away. His name's Steve Bellows. He's so mean, he once shot a man for snoring.

Quagmire: Where have I heard that before?

Joe: It's all in this simulated leather-bound edition of Time-Life's "Killers of Quahog."

Peter: Wow. They're all here. John the Biter, the Berserk Hobo, the Golden Autumn Day Strangler.

Cleveland: Maybe Steve won't remember you.

[Ominous instrumental music]

Steve Bellows: Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead! You're all dead!

Peter: Oh, good. He thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone.

Stewie: No, no, no! If you're ever going to be a lady, you must learn to speak like one. Now try it again. "The life of the wife is ended by the knife."

Eliza: "The loif of the w..."

Stewie: No, no, no. Not "loif," "life!" "Life!"

Eliza: That's wha' I said! "Loif!"

Stewie: Now listen to me, you tin-eared piece of baggage, we've got five days left, and I'll not lose my wager. Now repeat after me. "Hello, Mother. Have you hidden my hatchet?"

Eliza: 'Allo, Mother. 'Ave you 'idden my 'atchet?"

Stewie: God, no! It's an "H" sound, you moron! H! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Eliza: Ooh, your breath smells like kitty litter!

Stewie: I was curious!

Bonnie: Our husbands couldn't have done this.

Loretta: Yeah. Cleveland can't even light the damn hibachi on the Fourth of July!

Insurance Agent: Excuse me. Do you know where I can find Nigel Pinchley? I'm from Quahog Insurance, and I have a check for him.

Loretta: $5 million?

Insurance Agent: Yeah, lucky fella took out a huge policy the day before the fire.

Lois: Doesn't that strike you as a little suspicious?

Insurance Agent: No, not really. In fact, it seems to happen all the time.

Quagmire: Oh, no! Here comes Steve!

Steve Bellows: I haven't forgot about you boys! Saturday night at midnight, you're dead! All of you are dead!

Peter: Midnight on Saturday? Thank God! We can still be in the talent show! From the top, boys. Five, six, seven, eight!

[Jazz instrumental music] [the guys do a Cabaret-style dance]

Stewie: Once again, here is how it should sound. "How do you do?" And here is how you sound: [Can moos] Now try it again.

Eliza: "How do you do?"

Stewie: What did you say?

Eliza: "The life of the wife is ended by the knife."

Stewie: I think she's got it! I think she's got it!

Eliza: ♪ "The life of the wife is ended by the knife" ♪

Stewie: By George, she's got it! By George, she's got it! Now, what ends her wretched life?

Eliza: ♪ The knife! The knife! ♪

Stewie: And where's that bloody knife?

Eliza: ♪ In the wife! In the wife! ♪

Both: ♪ The life of the wife is ended by the knife ♪

Stewie: Bravo, Eliza!

Both: ♪ The life of the wife is ended by the knife ♪

Nigel: Hello. So nice to see you.

Lois: There he is. All right, we need to search the house for evidence. But one of us is gonna have to distract Nigel. Oh, no, no, no, I couldn't. Well, what about Loretta? Nigel looks like he's down with the swirl.

Nigel: Oh, there you are, Lois. Shall I give you the grand tour and show you my private quarters?

Lois: - I'd love to.

Nigel: I must say, you look absolutely...[Muttering] Oh, don't be shy, my lambie-lamb. This is my study where I... study things that arouse my interest.

Lois: [Thinking] Good, the girls are in place. [aloud] Oh, Nigel, since Peter's been gone, I've been searching for someone new. You know, someone with a sense of danger and adventure.

Nigel: I once played a game of cricket without shin guards.

Lois: Oh, I love a reckless man!

Nigel: One time, I went up to this bloke's flat, rang the bell, and ran like Sebastian Coe!

Lois: More! Tell me more!

Nigel: I burned down my pub for the insurance money and framed your husband!

Lois: I knew it! And what's more, I have witnesses! Bonnie! Loretta? Demond Wilson from Sanford and Son? What are you doing here?

Demond Wilson: I know. I'm surprised I'm alive, too.

Nigel: Sorry, love. Better luck next time.

Insurance Agent: Mr. Pinchley, I heard everything! What you've done is a textbook example of insurance "fraud"!

Nigel: Oh, bloody hell! What the devil were you doing in the closet anyway?

Insurance Agent: I came with Demond.

Butler: Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Eliza Pinchley.

Stewie: Psst! You-Dogbert! Down here! Get a front-row seat for this one.

[Sweet instrumental music]

Eliza: How kind of you all to come.

Stewie: Magnificent! I say, old sport, why don't you pull your face from your own loins and bury it into some humble pie?

Eliza: Oh, bloody 'ell! I've gone and wet meself!

Stewie: Don't give me that smug look! Fine! Well, you have extra-sensitive hearing. Hear this.

[Inaudible]

Brian: I'm telling.

Stewie: No! I said "vacuum"!

Quagmire: Hurry, Peter! Steve's gonna be here in five minutes!

Peter: Aw, crap! We're dead!

Quagmire: I guess this is the end, boys.

Joe: Looks like our next stop is a corner booth in a bar in Heaven!

Lois: Peter, Nigel confessed! You're free!

Peter: You hear that, guys? We're free!

[Cheering]

All: All right! Yeah! Freedom!

Steve Bellows: Get ready to die! Oh. Huh. Wonder what this feels like. [stabs self] [Shouts] That hurts! My God, is that what I've been doing to people? I belong here.

[Upbeat instrumental music]

[Crowd cheering]

Peter: Ah, Horace, I never thought I'd see you and the Clam again.

Horace: Ah, Florida stunk. An alligator mounted me when I wasn't looking and laid eggs in my lower intestine. But you're all thirsty. I'll bore you another time.

Peter: Here's to our wives. They may not be as hot as the women you see on TV, or as entertaining...but, um.... You know, I don't know where I'm going with this, but thanks anyway.

Lois: I guess that lousy Nigel learned his lesson. Whatever he gets is too good for him.

[Thunder crashing] [Nigel is put to death by hanging]

Eliza: Dear Stewie, I want you to know I blame my father's death and my incarceration in this hell hole entirely on your awful mother. If it takes the rest of my life, I shall see that she suffers a slow and painful death. Eliza.

Stewie: [Laughing] Excellent. Here, have a look.

Giant Bug: Good, good.

[closing theme music]